Initial deep thoughts

Some things have been on my mind for the past 8 months or so concerning marriage and family and I've been wanting to get 'em out there. Mike and I got engaged last October and were married in January. As our families were in the initial stages of getting to know each other and people started to gather to Colorado for the wedding I was feeling a little overwhelmed emotionally, in a good way. I couldn't help but think that what started as a simple date involving only Mike and I now affected hundreds of people. Our seemingly small decision to go on a date and spend time together would now not only eternally affect us alone. That got me thinking about agency and choices. One of Satan's lies is that humans are islands unto themselves. Our decisions don't affect anyone but us, he says. To me, marriage is the epitome of this being called out and bared to the world for what it is - a bald-faced lie. How can anyone look at the decision to marry, and say that it only affects the two parties? I'm a daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, niece, friend. Because I am loved, my decisions matter not only to me, but to my family and friends. As a daughter, I care about the happiness of my parents. As a sister, I care about the well being and happiness of my siblings. They in turn care about me. I realized just how big the decision to go on a date with Mike was. That one decision led to more decisions to spend time together and meet each other's families. Eventually we made the huge decision to join our lives together forever, but we did not just join each other's lives. We joined each other's families. I felt the weight of this decision in a different way the last week before our wedding. I felt the weight of responsibility, again in a good way. I felt a stronger kind of love for Mike because I was witnessing the love of many more people in his life, for him. I want us to have a strong and happy marriage because I love Mike, but also because I know there are many others who love him too. I want our marriage to become a strength to others, and our home to be a retreat not only for us, but for all we love.

Unbeknownst to them, I made some silent promises to both our families that week before the wedding, similar promises I was going to be making to Mike - that I would treat him well, love him always, fulfill my responsibilities as a wife and future mother, always stay strong in the Church and nurture my faith. In my heart I promised that I'd do this marriage thing to the best of my abilities even though I knew those abilities were probably meager and definitely inexperienced, and that I'd pray hard for understanding in the areas I lacked. These promises were not just for me and my well being and happiness, but for Mike and everyone in our lives who are affected by our choices. Here we are, 7 months into this thing. So far so good. We're definitely not even close to perfect, but we sure love each other. And we're learning.